Real Madrid v Manchester United

Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf, Minister of Information of the Republic of Iraq has taken time out of his busy schedule to issue the following communiqué:

Manchester United Football Club, the people of Iraq salute you as brothers. We are all aware that as you take the field tonight things may not, at first glance, look all that good:

For instance, people say that you face overwhelming odds.

People say your attack is non-existent and your defence suicidal.

People say that you are led by by a megalomaniac who will not tolerate failure and who rules by fear, violence and the threat of violence.

People say your strategy is out of date and your tactics naive.

People say that you enemy is smarter and better-equipped.

People say that your enemy will be able to strike deep into the heart of your territory at will and without warning.

People say that your only hope is to abandon all the traditional rules of engagement.

People say your days are numbered.

They said the same about us.

But look who's laughing now as our glorious forces prepare to sweep the enemy from Southern Iraq, Northern Iraq, Baghdad Airport, the building across the road.

So, I say to you, Red Devils, take heart from our example. Truly, your struggle is our struggle.